Iris Pennywhistle

Iris came over from the Hollow-mere Memorial account, the station's pre-need funeral sponsor, and she writes obituaries the way the funeral home prefers them, which is early. She keeps a card file of the living and works ahead, the way a careful person pays a bill before it comes due. Survived by. Preceded in death by. Will be missed by. Her accuracy is the part nobody brings up at the Christmas party. A reader once wrote in furious that his obituary, dated for a Tuesday, was libelous, and he wrote it on a Monday, and on Wednesday his sister called to thank Iris for the kind words. Iris files clean copy and never misses a deadline, which is a word she finds a little on the nose. She takes her lunch at noon.